games we play...sequel???

its about 2a.m in the morning, sitting here, with a glass of merlot on the armrest of my chaise. the only light is from the stars, the moon, the blinking lights from the sea, the lighthouse to my far right and the red glow of the cigarette in my fingers.

the scent in the air is invigorating. the sharp tang of sea salt and weeds, the smell of the palm trees, my cigarette, and the smell of lingering perfume on my skin. your scent.
 as i lean back on the chaise to check on your sleeping form, the wind picks up abit, and a light thunder rolls, the call of a quick rolling summer rain. it make s me feel so alive, to witness the beginnings of life giving showers. this is what it feels like, i cant help but think, to witness the world in its element. a battle of sorts, between the stars and the clouds, the sea and the rain.

right on cue, a big fat raindrop hits my cheek, cools it. and i cannot move right now, and i watch my cigarette get put out by the random drops and my wine get diluted, impurified, by what is all pure from the heavens, and i feel the goosebumps on my skin, and the robe i have on sticks to my skin, as though it wants to mold itself into me, the way you did earlier...and just like that, my thoughts are back on you, but i need not turn to see if you are sleeping peacefully, you were always one for the rain. i remember, once upon a time, we would sit up and talk on the steps of your mother's porch, until the early hours of the morning, when people started going to work, and we would head back to your room and sleep. i remember when it started raining, mid confessions of love, and you took my hand, led me into your room, and oh my heavens when you dropped the soaked blanket, and the tee shirt you sleep in was stuck to you, and i couldnt tear my eyes away from you, and my mouth felt suspiciously dry...and there we were shivering in our night clothes, soaked to the bone, and i knew for the first time what it was to be so consumed with want that you want to weep. and the look in your eyes, as if you knew, and when you told me later, you got tired of waiting, got tired of the little kisses we shared...and you didnt know that before you lifted your hands and undressed i thought of you as my perfect little snowflake, so pure and sweet..so tender..and how after you leant in and took my tee shirt off, i was scared i was going to burn you with the intensity of my need. the wantonness of my desires. so unpure and ugly and-

you interrupt my train of thought, but that's okay, because i was so close to wake you up, to show you that everytime it rains, i dont sleep because i remember...always remember...
...it seems you do too...because you step into the balcony naked as the day you were born, only more...grown up. and you sit on my lap, and bury your face in my neck, shivering a little.
"you should put some clothes on"
"you should come back to bed"

you smile, because this happens everytime we come here, I want to witness the day being born, you want to be fucked against the railing of the balcony, and this is how it always starts.

but today, with the now light drizzle, and the orange tint of the sky, and memories of the past, i feel abit sentimental, and I cant help but think...
"marry me"
 you laugh, and for a minute my whole world stops, and i want to take it back, maybe ten years is not enough to know that you cant stand it when someone leaves, maybe we fight too much. oh my god maybe she fucks other people, and im the only one who feels this way.
"stop it"
and i look up into your eyes because when you use that tone it means am always in trouble. and your face is cold, and closed, and the word snowflake fleets through my mind. and i have never in my life been scared except perhaps for when my mother fell ill. and my heart breaks when you open your mouth; and im watching that beautiful mouth open and it takes me a minute to hear what you say because im trying to memorize it  for when you surely dump my ass...but then..
"you dont have a ring"
and am shaking my head..
"get me a ring"
and you are smiling, and i want to absolutely murder you, then hump your leg to orgasm, but then you kiss me, and i think maybe its better i f i kept you alive.




A/N: writing this from the head, so unplanned. and scared my boss is gonna walk in!

also...if you havent noticed, these posts are for the girl i will marry, hopefully i will propose more eloquently, and elegantly...but i know she will say yes.

ciao bellas