numbers in my head

every week day, at exactly 5:30 a.m...your alarm goes off. exactly 15 minutes of snooze time.
so basically you wake up at 5:45a.m
..Always get out of bed from the right side. no matter what side you wake up on. the bed cannot be next to the wall. its exactly four steps from the left wall. four steps to the right to your window seat that is exactly two feet long and two feet wide. with a side table that is one by one in feet. the table has one peach vase, with four peach calla lilies that are freshened up every Tuesdays. when you wake up, you take two minutes, to fill in your dream diary.

always the same:
time of getting into bed: 9:30
time of sleep: 10:p.m
 in between, you read your entry from last nights dream. and count exactly 82 white sheep before you fall asleep. you turn off your lamp at 9:56p.m

focus.

when you wake up. you take four steps to your right. to your four by four foot window seat and open the drapes. then you pick up the yoga mat that is two paces to your right and two paces to your left from your boudoir. and you take 24 paces across the room to your door. turn on two lights.

from your bedroom door, it takes 32 paces to your kitchen. you turn on the kettle and take 16 paces to the bathroom door. four paces to the loo. at exactly 6a.m you take a piss. at 6:02 your lax kicks in. at 6:10 you have washed your face. and there is a green mug full of black steaming coffee. exactly four tablespoons for two mugs. its two steps from the kettle to the refrigerator, and two steps from the refrigerator to the microwave, that is two steps to be blender, that is two steps across from the water dispenser that is 8 steps from the cooker and oven that is six steps from the kitchen table.

it takes 4minutes for your coffee to steep, an extra two minutes to get to the right temperature. 42 degrees Celsius on a cold day like today. in those six minutes you do your morning stretching Pilates. exactly 4 sets of 20 reps of 8 moves. four songs.

at 6:16 you take your first cup of coffee and have it in the living room exactly 16 paces from your kitchen door. you seat on the couch that is two paces from the armchair that is two paces from your fireplace, and four paces to the love seat that is four paces to the bay window. that you don't like because its two centimeters crooked but you shrug cause you cant have everything.

at 6:20 you take a shower that lasts exactly 4 minutes. two minutes soap, two minutes rinse. you like the feel of the hot water on your skin. at 6:24 you get ready. you wear clothes you set out last night at 9:25. you feel like purple today, but its not Thursday so you wear black. its only tomorrow.

at 6:28 you put exactly half a cup of muesli in the bowl that you keep on a shelf two inches above your microwave with a spoon from the perch two inches from that shelf. exactly one cup of 50% cream milk and half a banana. gods you hate Wednesdays.
at 6:32 exactly eight banana pieces with the second spoonful of each count of 16 you wash your bowl and leave it to dry. you have your second cup of coffee.

you think about your day. and cross check your to-do list, diary and journal. at exactly 6:40 you leave for work. you always walk. cars can be so unreliable. traffic, and the wrong number of cars infront of you. just like you always take the stairs to the sixth floor. exactly 180 steps. elevators are dirty. and they would never allow you to admit four people per trip. and what if you get stuck??? with all those germs and people with the wrong length of ties and shoe laces. they would extract a comatose body by the time you get to your floor. like that time everyone thought you wouldn't notice if they moved your desk half an inch to the left... THE LEFT??!!! and you stabbed yourself with a pen because you didn't know what was happening...everything just felt so...wrong...and crawly..and wrong...and itchy and you had to make it stop.

but here you are....in front of the elevator...because the doctor says you have to try. TRY. the imbecile has the wrong level of nails. he wants you to trust your VERY EXISTENCE into his uneven nailed hand. but here you are... it might not be bad..you chant. especially when Cillian with the green eyes and black hair you want to smell smiles at you and waves you over......

(tbc...?)